Tag Archives: telling

Less is More

 

Less is more? How can less be more?

Last I checked, 4 oranges are less than 5, and that means….

Okay, hold on; let’s try it in a writing example.

He went to the store.

He went to the grocery store and bought milk, eggs, beer, and bread.

Nope; more is still more…or is it?

Let’s check out one more example.

Lucy told him that she didn’t like it when he fed the dog at seven because that was too early, and then the dog would be hungry again before four, which was when she got home. John looked at her, and his face contorted when he kind of squinted his eyes. His lips paled in color, and they grew tight; there was a mean flicker in his hard eyes and his jaw clenched.

That’s quite a bit. That must be great, right? It’s definitely more….

“Don’t feed Bella so early,” Lucy chastised. “She’ll get hungry before I get home at four.”

John returned her look, bearing an expression of indignation.

Uh-oh! That’s way less…but it shows way more, doesn’t it?

The whole less is more concept is intimately tied into showing versus telling, but it also engenders a great deal more. In the example above, both versions are providing the same story; one is a wordy way of telling a situation, and the other is a great way of providing an experience, but sometimes, it’s what a writer doesn’t say, show, or tell that makes or breaks a story.

Admittedly, when I first started writing, this was one of my greatest drawbacks; I used to state something in prose like just before it happened; a paragraph, a page, maybe two pages later, what I had alluded to occurred.

Foreshadowing is fine, but the following example explains it better.

John watched the cow as she gave birth to her little baby. A new life was dawning, but with life comes death; such is the way of the world. Things come and things go…and so do people, John thought.

And then, two paragraphs later, John was having to deal with the death of a loved one. That’s too close for foreshadowing; it’s foretelling, and needs to just be cut, so that as a whole, the story provided is less, but the experience is more. The easiest way to solve the above situation is to just cut the thought that John had. A more creative way is to have that scene as the story’s opener, that way, if John has to deal with death right away, it doesn’t affect the continuity, but that’s considered restructuring, and I’m not discussing that yet.

Let’s see another form of less is more.

The sun glistened off her sequins the way errant rays of gold illuminate stained glass during the brilliancy of early morning. Her radiant appeal was thwarted only by her grace and poise; the way she danced, like no one was watching; the way she laughed, like Beethoven’s sixth symphony, Pastoral. Simply watching her saunter down the stairs—a great banister of gold beheld only by the angels themselves—brought unto the heart the truest of emotions; the simplest; love, but true love, the kind of love only ever described by Greek Mythology, and never truly felt by a mere mortal human, until today…the day I saw her, my angel, Melody.

Boy…that’s right purdy’ writin’, and there’s certainly a place for it, but if the entirety of the story is written like this then…where is the story? What has happened in the example above? A man saw a woman come down the stairs and he fell in love with her, but what does she look like? Where are they? What are people doing? There’s nothing in the example except for pretty writing, flowery prose, and that isn’t good storytelling.

I’m gonna’ let you guys in on a little secret; creative writing courses are scams, and they are creativity killers.

Picture this: you see a cabin in the woods. It is old, a bit moldy, and you can see the crevices in the aged logs. The windows are obscured by grime. The door, which looks to have once been painted a vibrant green, is now a faded brown.

Certainly, the cabin can be beautified by placing a bed of red roses below the window. Now, imagine placing rows and rows of roses all around the cabin. Watch the roses surround the entirety of the structure; see them grow, and twist, and intertwine, until all that you can see is brambles and pretty, red flowers.

It’s just that—pretty, but now the substance is gone. The worn cabin is the story, and all that pretty writing just alienates your audience; it obscures the message, the reason for even telling the story. Writers, why are you telling your story? You have to be able to answer that.

Less is certainly more if the concept is employed correctly, which is why I’m explaining what it means.

Now, I’ll be the first to say; there are NO rules in writing, but there are numerous rules in editing, and it is imperative, paramount to good writing, to follow those rules, because no matter the story, the experience given is supposed to be for the reader, the audience, and they have been trained to glean information in a specific way, and all too often, writers and editors forget what it was like being just a reader without knowledge of crafting a book.

Less is certainly more especially when more entails repetition, and that’s the last thing I want to cover with this post.

Often times, a writer accidentally forgets that their audience isn’t comprised of a bunch on nincompoops. In other words, they relate the same information over and over again ad nauseam; yes, we get it; Jim loves his family, stop telling us. Yes, we get it, Ellie feels guilty for leaving her family behind. Yes, we get it; they fell in love from simply a look….

Writers; do try to avoid blatant repetition; what good is two pages worth of the same information written in a slightly different manner? Editors, when you see it, cut it! Cut the redundancies. Readers are bright people, and they may certainly need a reminder, a one liner, a piece of dialogue, or an internal thought to remind them of something important, but keep it concise.

What good is a one hundred thousand word book if only fifty thousand words are story and the rest is but pretty writing? A one hundred thousand page book must be at least eighty thousand words of actual story, and that doesn’t mean telling the reader what is happening. Conversations, character actions, reactions, interactions, world building, even descriptions are all part of the story IF THEY DRIVE THE PLOT ONWARDS. That’s why only what is absolutely pertinent must remain in the story, and everything else, no matter how much the writer likes it, must be cut.

There are few exceptions, and they deal with pacing, and I will cover pacing in the future.

Thanks for reading, and I appreciate that you have read what I wrote. On top of that, I’m grateful that many of you are looking over the information I provide, so I want you to know that it’s much obliged. Also, the fact that lot’s of people here are letting me know that they are being helped by my advice is just aces. Furthermore, it’s important for me to say thank you to all those who continue to share with others my helpful thoughts…I’m joking…did you get it?

Seriously, thanks, and if you have questions, comments, or concerns, you know where to find me. Also, check out my Editing Services tab.

Showing versus telling when writing

self aggrandizing aaron meme

Showing versus telling; what does it mean, and what difference does it make?

Let’s look at the following example.

It was warm out. John was very hot. His clothes were wet with sweat, and some drops of perspiration fell from his face as he stuck his rake in the hay and dumped it in the bed of the blue truck.

When the truck was full, he stuck his rake in the dirt. Then, he walked to the truck’s door. The window was down. He reached in and grabbed a bottle of water from a cooler.

He drank the water to slake his thirst. The cold liquid felt so good, running down his throat. Because he had a lot of work to do, he quickly secured the cap to the bottle, tossed it willy-nilly inside the truck, and then opened the door to climb in.

He started his old Ford, released the parking brake, and began driving down the bumpy, hard packed, country road. He made sure to go slow because there were many cows in the vicinity, and John did not want to spook them. Thankful for the breeze that blew in through the opened window, he then turned on the radio. His favorite song, Blue Suede Shoes, was playing.

The entire example portrays the most basic way to tell a story. Everything has been presented; we know John has been working hard in the heat to shove hay into a blue truck. We know he drives down a country road. We know there are cows, and that he doesn’t want to scare them, and we know that he likes Elvis, but the presentation feels bland, uninspired; it’s like the readers are being kept at arms’ length. Why?

Picture this scenario: a new movie has come out. You’re dying to see it, but your kid has soccer practice. When you come home, you get a phone call. Your friend tells you they saw the movie, and you’re so envious, you demand your friend tells you the whole movie from start to finish.

Even if your friend breaks down every detail, you won’t see the lights or shadows, you won’t hear the music, or the sounds, or the tones of voice. No matter how great a raconteur your friend is, they can’t possibly provide you the same experience because they won’t tell you how Tom Cruise scrunched his face, or bit his lip, or looked off into the distance to provide the emotion, the turmoil, the joy, etc.

Now, I’ll say that when writing a novel, there is absolutely a time and place to tell rather than show, but, for the most part, the narrative must be shown to the readers; as I always say: readers must not even be aware that they are reading words off a page.

Let’s take a look at the above story again, but this time it’ll be presented in an effort to show rather than tell.

There wasn’t a single cloud in the sky as John raked hay into the bed of a blue truck. Soaked from head-to-toe and dripping sweat, the farmhand grimaced due to his fresh sunburns. Puffing, he stuck steel forks into the dirt, leaned his head against the rake’s shaft, and took a breath; the bed was finally filled.

Choking saliva down his dried throat, he rounded his Ford, stuck his arm through the opened window, and nabbed a bottle of water from his cooler. Such a refreshing sensation relaxed his worn body when he drank. Well, ain’t no time to dally, he thought and tossed the bottle into the passenger seat.

He pulled open the creaky door, paused, and gazed out over the sweltering expanse. A hundred head of Angus nibbled mindlessly at dried grasses. Nodding from the good feeling of another day of hard work, John crawled into the seat, turned on the engine, and listened to his baby purr. After releasing the parking brake, he eased on down the bumpy, hard packed, country road. Cooling breezes blew in from the window, gently caressing his weatherworn face.

“Now, what’s on the radio?”

He pressed the button, and a chuckle escaped his lips when he heard his favorite tune, Blue Suede Shoes. Smiling, he bobbed his head to the beat.

It’s the same exact story. Yes, some new descriptions have been added, but some old ones have been omitted, and that’s only because more was provided in each sentence by presenting the story in a manner called showing.

Let’s examine it piece-by-piece:

It was warm out. John was very hot. His clothes were wet with sweat, and some drops of perspiration fell from his face as he stuck his rake in the hay and dumped it in the bed of the blue truck.

Versus

There wasn’t a single cloud in the sky as John raked hay into the bed of a blue truck.

With just one sentence—while showing rather than telling—the sky, John’s activity, and the truck have all been presented. That allowed the first paragraph to contain new information without becoming wordy.

Soaked from head-to-toe and dripping sweat, the farmhand grimaced due to his fresh sunburns.

Now, we also know just how hot it is, we still know he’s dripping with sweat, but we also get a feeling- that hot, scratchy pain that comes from sunburns. We are being shown John, how hard he is working, and how hot it is.

Finally, the third sentence in the showing paragraph.

Puffing, he stuck steel forks into the dirt, leaned his head against the rake’s shaft, and took a breath; the bed was finally filled.

We also get to see, to experience, how tired John is. He is puffing, he leans against his rake, and the word finally, entails that he has long been working under the sun; obviously, long enough to have to endure sunburns.

When the truck was full, he stuck his rake in the dirt. Then, he walked to the truck’s door. The window was down. He reached in and grabbed a bottle of water from a cooler.

Versus

Choking saliva down his dried throat, he rounded his Ford, stuck his arm through the opened window, and nabbed a bottle of water from his cooler.

Once again, with only a single sentence, we know he’s thirsty, and we get to feel how thirsty; he had to choke down his saliva. We also get to move with him by rounding the truck, and we didn’t have to be told that the window was down, we were shown it was down as well as what John did with the opened window; he reached through it to grab water. Plus, we know the water is cold. It was in a cooler.

That single, complex sentence gives us all the information, which then allows more to be shown later in the paragraph.

Such a refreshing sensation relaxed his worn body when he drank. Well, ain’t no time to dally,he thought and tossed the bottle into the passenger seat.

Those two sentences add to the story by showing how John feels from drinking. Next, we’re presented something personal; John’s thought. He is thinking that there’s no time to waste, and he thinks with a country colloquialism, and following his thought is an action—tossing the bottle—but showing that it was tossed into the passenger seat shows us more than we were shown by being told he had tossed it willy-nilly. The word tossed generally implies that it was done without a care, and the passenger seat brings us a more detailed picture of the truck.

He drank the water to slake his thirst. The cold liquid felt so good, running down his throat. Because he had a lot of work to do, he quickly secured the cap to the bottle, tossed it willy-nilly inside the truck, and then opened the door to climb in.

Versus

He pulled open the creaky door, paused, and gazed out over the sweltering expanse. A hundred head of Angus nibbled mindlessly at dried grasses. Nodding from the good feeling of another day of hard work, John crawled into the seat, turned on the engine, and listened to his baby purr. After releasing the parking brake, he eased on down the bumpy, hard packed, country road. Cooling breezes blew in from the window, gently caressing his weatherworn face.

The first two sentences in the told version are no longer important because the previous shown example eliminates the need to describe the water and the fact that he is busy, so we cut out the guff, and instead, we get to jump right into the action. This means that rather than just opening the door an climbing in, readers have chance to glean more information from a single paragraph; the door squeaked when he opened it, he then paused to gaze, which makes John into a more realistic character, and we are reminded of the heat by the word sweltering. On top of all that, we then get to experience the country and the cattle, and what the cattle are doing.

Certainly, all of that information could have been told in the original example, but that results in a slowed progression; too many blatant descriptions start to bog down the pace of a story, that’s why it’s important to show the story to readers as it progresses. Otherwise, they have to stop to memorize sentence after sentence after sentence of details.

Finally, we get to start the truck, hear the engine, and feel the breezes all in that one shown paragraph.

He started his old Ford, released the parking brake, and began driving down the bumpy, hard packed, country road. He made sure to go slow because there were many cows in the vicinity, and John did not want to spook them. Thankful for the breeze that blew in through the opened window, he then turned on the radio. His favorite song, Blue Suede Shoes, was playing.

Versus

“Now, what’s on the radio?”

He pressed the button, and a chuckle escaped his lips when he heard his favorite tune, Blue Suede Shoes. Smiling, he bobbed his head to the beat.

Once again, most of the previous paragraph has become obsolete, and so it is cut to pave the way for less words and more story. There is no need to tell that there are many cows; it was presented in the paragraph preceding this one. There’s no need to tell that John doesn’t want to spook the cows, because the words eased on down were introduced; readers know he’s going slow, though they may not know it’s because he doesn’t want to spook cows, it isn’t really important; we already get the feeling that John is a good, hardworking guy. Finally, we get a piece of dialogue to set up the action of turning the radio on.

People like characters who speak; it’s real. Internal thoughts are great, but too many bog down the story. A tiny piece of dialogue, even if it’s to oneself, gives the reader’s mind a break, and it can be used to orchestrate a scene; in this case, John doesn’t simply turn the radio on, he also has a reaction, which makes him a three-dimensional character by chuckling. Moreover, he bobs his head to the beat of his favorite song.

This is about the simplest way to introduce the concepts of showing and telling, and we definitely see the benefit of showing, but is it the right thing to implement all the time?

No. There are certainly times, during the prose of a novel, when things must be told.

Let’s imagine we’ve just read through the entire, first chapter of John’s hard day on the farm, and it has ended with the example provided above. He is now driving home, listening to the radio. Is it necessary to show the next thirty minutes of him driving home?

Well, that depends; is there some story there? Will there be action, or character development, or world building? If the answer to any of those questions is yes then the writer must show more of the story either by prolonging the chapter or starting with this information in the next chapter.

If the answer to any of those questions is no, and the writer wishes to end the chapter because nothing more is prevalent then the chapter can end, but the writer must also consider how to open the next chapter. We will assume that nothing important happened, that it was the end of the day on a Friday, and that John’s ride home, his evening, and his entire weekend are of no consequence.

To open a new chapter, it may become necessary to tell of what happened over the course of an hour, a day, a week, or even months. Let’s look.

After that scorcher of a Friday, John had driven home, ate a scant dinner, sipped from a bottle of whiskey, and passed out cold. The following morning’s hangover was nothing new; he had fallen on hard times, and the bottle was as good an answer as any. The question was how to deal with the death of Lisa, his wife of thirty years. The loving couple used to spend their weekends with their children and grandchildren, but this last weekend was spent in a haze of hooch, microwaved meals, and bad television.

Here, the chapter has been set. The story can now continue, however, the information provided was told to the readers, not shown, so there is a time to tell, but it should be brief, it should be used to either set a scene, recapitulate a scene from the past, or perhaps just gloss over unimportant details, which may be required in order to set up something else further into the story.

Thanks for reading. I hope you have a better understanding of showing versus telling, but more importantly, I hope that you understand that there is a time for both. Have any questions, concerns, or comments? Well, you just let me know. Thanks again.

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